Global Warming for Nonbelievers I

Climate: Before you snowboard down that hill, you must first CLIMATE.
Hurricane: Walking stick used for rapid moving.
War-ming: Aggressive vase.

Global Warming for Nonbelievers II

Climate: The best thing to do with a ladder.
Coaling: Baby coal.
Hurricane: What they do in the sugar fields when they need to harvest quickly.
Twister: In jail two times.
Warming: Hot vase.
Wasting: Musical landfill, or bees at a landfill.
Watt-hours: your question when you call the restaurant.

Global Warming for advanced Nonbelievers

Global Warming: Ignite sphere! Aggressive vase!

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations.
When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

McDonald’s are to fuel their lorries with oil used to cook their fries.
Lorry drivers are delighted - every time they fill up they get a free toy.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about climate change.
The teacher said this is the first anthropogenic climate change we ever had.
The little girl stated that the biblical flood was another.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that it is the first; at that time it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Noah".
The teacher asked, "What if Noah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Because of global warming he was stuck with his sleigh due to lack of snow. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?
*** Scroll down for the answer

Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
*** Men keep scrolling

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point:
Women never listen.

In his 318th speech in Iraq on Sunday, the President said that the terrorists view the world as a giant battlefield.
As opposed to us, who view the world as a giant oil field.
Jay Leno

Gas prices at an all-time high here in California. Like, $3.30, in Malibu. Gas is so expensive, women in Beverly Hills now can't afford to run over their cheating husbands with their Mercedes anymore.
Jay Leno

President Bush toured parts of Missouri that were devastated by a recent tornado. There was one awkward moment, when the President looked at the tornado damage and said:
"Don't worry, we're going to get whoever did this."

They said on the news tonight that if gas prices get any higher, we could see something totally unprecedented here in California. People actually walking.
Jay Leno

What do clouds want to be when they grow up?

"I'm sweating like hell.
So help me, if I hear someone tell me it's the humidity one more time..."
"Actually it is not the humidity, it's humanity."

American mock-newspaper the Onion treated autumn as television.
The headline ran: "Fall cancelled after 3 billion seasons. A beloved classic comes to an end".

Global warming nonsens

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

Does the sun get cold at night?

How can I not be eco-friendly...I'm biodegradable.

You know global warming is real when...

You can say “110 degrees” without fainting.

You realize asphalt has a liquid state.

A rancher tells you that he wishes it would rain, not for himself because he's seen it, but for his 7 year old.

You can find the party Saturday night by the road with the most dust kicked up.

You go to McDonalds to get coffee and pour it on your lap -- just to cool off!

Do you know more climate jokes?
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