Geography test answers:

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
Floods from the Mississippi may be prevented by putting big dames in the river.
Climate lasts all the time, but weather lasts only a few days.
Climate is caused by the emotion of the earth around the sun.

George Bush recently said the he believes in global warming .. as a result, now I'm not sure.
Lewis Black

Marge: We wouldn't be in this trouble if you'd just paid the heating bill!
Homer: I thought global warming would take care of it! Al Gore can't do anything right!

President Bush said he just saw a film about global warming, 'Ice Age 2; The Meltdown.'

Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050,
we will be out of party ice.
David Letterman

Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills. It's called global warming.

They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out.
Jay Leno

What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Want to go for a spin!

Stephen Colbert interviews the presenter of a CNN programme called "Planet in Peril".
Colbert asks, "Are you talking about Planet Earth?"
"Could that eventually affect Planet America?"

This website was made from 100% biodegradable, recycled words.

A man from a city went to visit his friend in the country side. The moment he stepped out of his car he began to sniff the air. "Yuck! What a strong smell! What is it?"
"Must be the fresh air." Said his cousin. "That sure is some strong smell," replies the city bred guy.

I love this. On the news today, the CEO of British Petroleum says he believes the overall environmental impact of this oil spill will be very, very modest.
Yeah. If you live in England!
Jay Leno

Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.
David Letterman

And tar is washing up onto the beaches — big globs of tar. And people are saying,
'Is that going to ruin our summer at the beach?'
No, of course not. You take the big blobs of tar and you use them to hold down your blanket.
David Letterman

This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody.
In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass,
they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded.
David Letterman

Bad news, it's going to be a huge environmental disaster, the oil rig down there in the Gulf of Mexico.
The good news is they think now that the oil spill will be diluted by the melting ice caps.
David Letterman

So now they’re dumping golf balls into the Gulf of Mexico to plug up BP’s leak.
And to think that all this time I’ve been preventing oil spills at golf courses across the country.
Terry Etter, Pataskala, Ohio

10. Change “BP” from “British Petroleum” to “Bunnies and Puppies.”
9. Scrap the snotty British accents.
8. Cry on “Oprah.”
7. Take a page from AFLAC. New mascot: wise-cranking oil-soaked duck.
6. Find Bin Laden.
5. Start making cookies. Who doesn’t love cookies?
4. What’s wrong with our image?
3. Switch from “Drill Baby Drill” to “Help Daddy Help.”
2. Instead of their image, maybe they can focus on fixing the damn leak!
1. For goodness sakes, get Iron Man to do something!
David Letterman

10. The Gulf of Mexico was overdue for its 3,000-mile oil change.
9. We promise we’ll get around to it by Labor Day.
8. Relax, it’s only leaking 210,000 gallons a day.
7. Giving everyone a free BP travel mug.
6. Louisiana hasn’t had a disaster in 5 years.
5. Guy from Goldman Sachs said it would make money.
4. Blame FEMA.
3. Did you hear Ricky Martin’s gay?
2. Blame Toyota.
1. Honestly, we’re so reckless — surprised it took this long

George Bush was asked why he never took an interest in climate control.
Bush responded that he has never had a problem with premature ejaculation.

Nuclear power is a house without a toilet

In Louisiana, BP claims that it's making progress with the leaking oil in the Gulf.
They're working on a plan to heat the Gulf up to 600 degrees and use it to fry chicken.
Jimmy Kimmel

The leaders of Europe are all sitting around a table at the Copenhagen Climate Change summit.
After the initial pleasantries, Gordon Brown speaks first. “I will end climate change, just like I ended boom and bust! I will be tough on climate change and tough on the causes of climate change! Britain will spend “£200 billion on fighting climate change this year!”
Before Brown has even sat back down, Angela Merkel of Germany begins to speak.
“That’s nothing! We will spend €300 billion on fighting climate change!”
Nicolas Sarkozy of France speaks next; “We will end zis climate change. We will spend €1 trillion on fighting climate change!”.
Attention now turns to the president of Armenia, he stands and meekly announces: “We have budgeted to spend $1,000 on fighting climate change over the next 10 years.”
People around the table begin to snigger. Embarrassed, the Armenian president slams his fist onto the table and shouts “Ok, ok, we will spend $100 trillion on climate change!”.
The sniggering around the table has now become hysterics; “How will you afford that?”
“Well” the Armenian president began, “The real figure was bit low, so I just made some up. Isn’t that how it works around here?”

The following is the modern climate change version of an old flood joke:

So there's this huge flood one day - caused by the climate change, and an entire town looks like it's going to be swallowed up by the waters. And the Police and Rescue Agencies are running all over the place trying to get people to safety.

So they send the rescue boat over to this house where a guy's sitting on the roof with the water lapping around his ankles and they say "Come on, quickly, there isn't much time"
To which he says "Nah, it's ok, God will Provide"

So about an hour later they're zooming past in the boat again and they notice the guy's still there, only the water's up to his waist, almost at the top of the roof.
"Quick" they say, get in the boat, it's going to get worst before it gets better.
"Nah, don't worry - God will Provide"

An hour after that a rescue helicopter flies over the area and notices the guy, who must be standing on the peak of the roof now, with only his head and shoulders out of the water.
"Don't worry" he replies calmly "God will provide."

So he gets drowned of course. And he goes to heaven, and is a little ticked off with god for drowing him like that, and expresses his concern saying "I had faith, I believed in you - and still you didn't help me"
"HELP YOU?!" God replies "What MORE did you want - I sent you Al Gore, two boats and a helicopter!"

Kofi Annan’s illustrated the launch of a climate justice campaign with a climate joke:
A pig and a chicken are discussing hunger in the world.
"I know how we can solve this", says the chicken. "I’ll provide the eggs, you provide the bacon. Job done".
"Hang on", says the pig. "For you, that means a contribution. For me, it is total commitment."

Gas is so expensive SUV now stands for sport utility victim.
Jay Leno

Today, President Obama finally met with BP’s CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes.
Call me crazy, but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked.
Jimmy Fallon

British Petroleum said today that if this spill gets worse,
they may soon have to start drilling for water.
Jay Leno

The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive.
That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'
Jimmy Fallon

Do you know more green jokes or global warming jokes?
We are happy about each mail to

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